Reflecting on Ashley Madison's Leaked Names

Ashley Madison Leaks

I believe in privacy, so forth and so on. . . But I also believe in the sanctity of marriage, whether you're straight or gay.  We do not live in a religious society that mandates certain forms of moral behavior, for whom transgressors get their heads chopped off.  And our own home-grown Puritans are long in their graves.    But that does not mean that we should not choose our behaviors wisely.  Cheating destroys families.  Divorce does rip to pieces the vulnerable hearts of kids caught up in custody fights. If two people can't get along, each must ask what they're demanding of the other that they lack the maturity to provide for themselves.  I except of course cases of physical abuse, where the hateful behaviors are so deeply entrenched in the brain cells of perpetrators, that nothing will fix them.

Marriage is a spiritual journey, not a phony religious ritual for which pretense is the operative term.  When two people come together in marriage, regardless of what their physical age may be, it begins a process of growing into adulthood and healing the wounds locked up in their mutual child-like neediness.    Easier said than done, admittedly.  But romantic love does evolve into something more enduring as we fight our way through our mistakes, learning to forgive in the sure knowledge that two partners in a marriage don't grow together.  The trick is to give our partner a safe space to heal from a crisis, and they will do the same for us when our turn rolls around.  But how do I know that this will happen? It is because that is the way the human heart works. And this is also how the delicious narcissism of romantic love evolves into something unconditional and enduring.

These lessons I've learned from 28 years of marriage to a partner as imperfect as I. It has been the process of overcoming crises that has opened my eyes and heart to the fact that we do not find our soul mate. We sculpt them with the chisel hardened by acknowledging the pain our mistakes have caused others.